I have this terrible thing about me, that I'm desperately trying to overcome. I give in to my worry and anger. Once one of these things attacks me for some reason I let it manifest and give wood to the fire, causing it to be this REALLY BIG THING. When it probably was just something small that I could've gotten over.
I let it happen to me today.
Every Sunday my alarm clocks goes off at 8am. And every Sunday I snooze it. Knowing that every Sunday I want to go to church. I know I need it. My spirit knows I need it. And my flesh knows I need it. But my flesh likes to tell me that I'm too tired. "You worked out yesterday ... You're too tired. Garry finally had a day off, you should just stay in and cuddle". The flesh is such a manipulator. I could've gone to church. Fed my spirit with some worship and the word of God and rested when I got back home. But NO , I had to give in to my flesh.
Of course not going puts me in a bad mood. I get mad at myself which in turn I get mad at Garry and everything he does annoys me. And even though Serena is only a year old, I feel like I can't handle her. Which non of that is true. Garry doesn't annoy me and I can definitely handle Serena. But then I'm giving into my bad mood. Which is affecting my family.
I start worrying about things; finances, bills, my marriage, how I am as a mother. And then that starts making me angry. And then I give into that too. I'm horrible. Because then I'm yelling, arguing and saying things that I really don't mean.
I thank God that I have a husband that deals with me. Especially, after the fight he acts like nothing has happened. Kisses me. Hugs me. That makes me feel better. But then I still feel bad that on his day off I was being such a miserable person just because I listened to my flesh to begin with.
I stop. Take a breath. And thank God that I have tomorrow to start over. I have other days to make up for it.
I just need to learn to stop worrying. Stop getting angry over things that I have no control over. And be happy. Things can always be worse. But the good news is God will be here. All the time. Every time.
Days like this, I do believe the enemy is trying to bring me down. Trying to make me feel bad. And since I give in, he makes my day even worse. But the good news is, no matter how bad my days are I would never let go of God. Because He surely will never let go of me.
Hebrews 13:5 AMP
Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] [Josh. 1:5.]
Let's not let this little things in life get to us. God is so much bigger than everything. He can fix all our problems in a second. He just wants to know if we want Him.
And are willing to dedicate are lives to him.
